Debates: Vax vs. Non Vax

Okay, I'm going to do it. I'm going to talk about the *gasp* vaccine debate. I have two lists to share on the subject. One for the non vaxers, and one for the vaxers. Both of you need a heads up on what's what.

To the non vax folks:

1. Quit playing the victim. Not everyone who vax's is against you in this world and no every damn comment that has the words "I vax" or "I choose to vax" is that person insulting your choice. Get off your damn high horse. Seriously folks. Why do you think people get fed up with hearing it?

2. I don't give a flying flip what you chose, but have some fucking respect for my choice too. Do not sit and try to force you view on me.

3. Do not assume I have no idea what I'm talking about and have done no research. *GASP* believe it or not, there are a TON of us vaccinating moms who did our research and STILL chose to vaccinate. Just because you made a different choice, stay the hell of my back about my choice.

4. When someone comes to you with something like "your kid is going to make my kid sick" quit getting pissed off. You know what works better? Take the time to educate. And if they don't want to know, leave it alone and move on. Don't rant and rave forever because one or two ignorant people told you something like this.

5. Stop arguing about how the Wakefield research is fine. I'm sorry, I don't care what happened with it. I don't care if his research was skewed by mistake. I don't care if it was skewed for profit. I don't even care if it was skewed by God Himself (or Herself). The point is that the research doesn't hold up. Oh stop picking on poor Wakefield. He's been working on this forever. When then he should've damn well got it right. Obviously if you don't see the problem with it, you aren't knowledgeable about how these studies work. For one it is purely correlational, and it doesn't matter how many families you get that have a child that had problems post vaccinations. By picking out those families you skew the data. That's not how you do research. And even those that did have problems, there is no way to 100% link the onset of autism to the vaccinations. I'm sorry, but how many things influence us every day? Even if something about vaccinations caused the onset of Autism, how do explain everyone else in the world who has Autism from birth (like Booker)? Booker showed signs the day he was born of his ASD. So obviously Vaccinations didn't cause it. And now there is the SSRI link, and the Genetic link, and environmental links. Okay they are ALL correlations. There is no way to prove any of these things lead to Autism. What is the most likely scenario then? There is a common element we haven't found yet. And until we find it, we need to stop trying to force others into believing stuff we haven't gotten proof of.

6. And finally. YOU made the choice, and that choice is not a mainstream choice. So guess what is going to happen? People who are mainstream are going to not understand. If you can't handle the criticism that comes with making a choice that is not widely popular, quit talking about it.

And now, because I'm fair and all, and despite the fact that non vaxers that do the above drive me crazy, so does the below apply for those that do vax:

1. Lay off already. I'm serious guys, quit going rounds with the non vaxing folks. It makes you look dogmatic and doesn't prove anything, especially when they counter everything you say. All this makes is a back and forth that doesn't have a winner.

2. Stop thinking that all non vaxing people are unaware of the risks they are taking. They know it very well, and even if you don't agree with it, quit berating them with it. It just makes these problems worse.

3. Do your own research. Don't start bashing non vaxing folks if you have no stance to which to come from. If you've never researched it, it isn't fair to start in on a non vaxing mom.

4. DEBATE people, not fight. There is no excuse for this. Parenting choices are just that, choices, and I'm so tired of parents bashing each other because they don't agree. Agree to disagree if you can't do otherwise.

5. You made your choice, the non vaxing crowd has too. Have some respect for it even if you disagree. It isn't easy for anyone.

Okay, so I said my peace. I know that the second part is shorter, but I didn't feel the need to elaborate as much because the points are pretty concise.

My main point is stop playing the blame game with each other. Don't agree? Fine. Quit the bickering. It doesn't change anything and no matter what you think, this is a choice. Cramming your beliefs down each other's throats isn't going to change a damn thing and you all need to get off your high horse. In parenting, there is no right or wrong, only what we feel is best for our children.

High Horses

Okay, so I'm beginning to lose patience with people who are "advocates" these days. I mean, okay, yes it is nice to see more advocates for everything out there that needs it, but these freaking elitist advocates really piss me off. I mean seriously, here we are trying to encourage knowledge to help further our causes and the advocates on their high horses undo everything we're trying to do.

Case in point. Intactivists (And the reason I don't associate with the biggest advocates). They expect all of their members who have circ'd boys to be "sorry" for it. To feel deep remorse because we've "ruined" our kids chances at being "intact and normal". Sorry, folks. I'm not sorry. Parents CAN NOT go around feeling sorry for their past deeds. I am not about to live with guilt for a choice I made. I was as informed as I could have been, I was as educated as I could have been, and I made the choice I felt was right. So should I spend my life regretting doing my best?

No.

And for this reason I quit being an active member of these groups. They want you to say you screwed up. Sorry. Even if I were to make a different choice today, I will not be sorry for doing my best in the past. And don't make me tell you if I'd make the same choice today. Am I in the situation right now? No. I'm sorry, no one but me knows everything about my situation, and I'm not going to deal with "what ifs" that have no purpose. I have no idea what I would do today if I were given the choice to circ or not. And anyone that tells you they do know is bullshitting you. Life isn't that simple.

Ugh.

DSM 5 Hubaloo

So, there is a ton of talk in the ASD world about the DSM V, most of it about the fact they're not separating the various types of Autism Spectrum Disorders as of the current proposal.

This is the proposed criteria:

Autism Spectrum Disorder

Must meet criteria A, B, C, and D:

A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across contexts, not accounted for by general developmental delays, and manifest by all 3 of the following:

1. Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity; ranging from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back and forth conversation through reduced sharing of interests, emotions, and affect and response to total lack of initiation of social interaction,

2. Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction; ranging from poorly integrated- verbal and nonverbal communication, through abnormalities in eye contact and body-language, or deficits in understanding and use of nonverbal communication, to total lack of facial expression or gestures.

3. Deficits in developing and maintaining relationships, appropriate to developmental level (beyond those with caregivers); ranging from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit different social contexts through difficulties in sharing imaginative play and in making friends to an apparent absence of interest in people

B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities as manifested by at least two of the following:

1. Stereotyped or repetitive speech, motor movements, or use of objects; (such as simple motor stereotypies, echolalia, repetitive use of objects, or idiosyncratic phrases).

2. Excessive adherence to routines, ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior, or excessive resistance to change; (such as motoric rituals, insistence on same route or food, repetitive questioning or extreme distress at small changes).

3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus; (such as strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

4. Hyper-or hypo-reactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of environment; (such as apparent indifference to pain/heat/cold, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, fascination with lights or spinning objects).

C. Symptoms must be present in early childhood (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities)

D. Symptoms together limit and impair everyday functioning.

Now it is very important to remember that this may changed between now and May 2013 which is the expected release date.

Now, most of what people have had to say has been quite negative, that this is going to exclude many "high functioning" kids. This is not so, it may actually help those of us with a child that is an aspergers kid, or high functioning. What they're trying to do is make sure that these kids don't get excluded from treatment. More than once, I've heard of children being denied and education diagnosis in schools or regional center help because they were diagnosed with "aspergers" and it wasn't considered "real autism" and thus not bad enough to need services. This is what the APA (American Psychological Association) is trying to correct.

If you read through the criteria, it has everything the DSM IV TR criteria had, however it is together under the umbrella of Autism Spectrum Disorders. Which it is now, but the separation of Autism, Aspergers, Rhetts, Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, and PDD-NOS has caused a lot of confusion.

Now I've also seen Aspies and Aspie parents that don't like this because it is going to mean their child or they will be "labeled" with Autism.

*rolling eyes* They are already "labeled" as autistic people!!!

All a subdiagnosis does is refine it into a more specific type of autism. Unfortunately, people do not even try to understand the diagnosis once they have it in hand.

My advice? Know what the diagnosis means, do your own research and get to know it better.

Know it Nothings

I think I'm becoming very fed up with what I call "know it nothings." They think they are "know it alls" when they really are only regurgitating things they've heard that is either blatantly wrong or something that has been spread.

This has become very apparent since I've started advocating for Autism as well as breastfeeding and attachment parenting. People hold onto these beliefs that aren't based on a bit of fact at all.

I love it when people spout "facts" about parenting, especially cosleeping and breastfeeding. Like about how cosleeping kills babies, and breastfeeding is only good until six months (a personal favorite of mine - does it turn into water all of a sudden?).

Recently I had an interesting argument on a reddit comment about ADHD meds. I got told I was "parroting" BS told to me by a doctor. If I could have attached a sound byte it would have been laughter. Not only have I studied and researched it, I have confirmed the knowledge I have with many medical professionals. This kid thinks because he was diagnosed with ADHD that meds are going to mess with your mind. *rolls eyes*

ADHD is a lack of stimulation in the brain. There are different theories on it, but I go with the one that ADHD and ADD are two separate conditions. A good way to describe ADD is "mental sluggishness", and hyperactivity is a symptom of overactive neurons. There are so many things we don't know but the fact is that the medication for ADD that works best is Adderall or Dexadrine. Want to know what else is the same chemical composition? Caffeine. Diet pills have also the same kind of stuff in it. Adderall = amphetamine, simple as that.

This article shows how the brain scans of kids with ADHD are different. Now, I've seen the argument, that the wrong thinking causes the brain to be different. Chicken and the Egg folks! It is different so now what? The anti-drug movement in ADHD is of course getting stronger and stronger. People don't want to medicate their kids because it is going to do harm in the long term, blah blah. Yes, ADHD meds are overprescribed. Not every child with ADHD symptoms need medication. And yes, there are plenty kids that are doing great "drug free". Wonderful. That isn't every kid though. Medications, like everything, apply only to those that need them. A parent knows their child best, and having strangers tell you that drugs are bad to have your kid on just because you have one bad experience is ludicrous. Children who are not on the right drugs may not react well. Studies show that when a child with no hyperactivity symptoms is given ritalin, they do not do as well as when given something like adderal.

Here we seem the article talking about the faulty off switch idea. Knowing my son, I wholly agree with it. He has no off switch to speak of. And you know what, not every kid is my son. So this may not apply to them. WebMD has a good one on the chemicals in the brain. Dopamine, Nuerephenephrin, Seratonin, all of these chemicals have an important role in our lives. When they are not correct, we suffer from mental and physical health issues. How do you bring a chemical imbalance back to balance? Lets think about it, by using a chemical.

Why is this stuff so hard for people to get, I have to wonder? Because on page that is anti drug treatment says so? I'm sorry, that is just as bad as taking the first doctor's word for something that you come across. You can't preach about how terrible and bad something is without a proper basis.

I am so fed up with people who think they know everything when they know nothing. Seriously, folks. If you don't know something, or someone points out that you're wrong, grow some balls or ovaries and admit it. I'm sick and tired of people flinging shit that is just that, pure shit, in my direction. People who try to tell me how to parent, who try to tell me what drugs to give or not give, what drugs to take or not take, how to care for my toddler, what I should teach them. Get a F'n life and stay out of mine. I, unlike most of the people who run this crap off at the mouth, am researched, educated, and knowledgeable about the subjects. I cannot stand when someone approaches me as if I am an idiot and don't know anything about the subject when I know much more than they've even heard of.

I was talking about my therapist diagnosing Booker with Aspergers and ADHD (ADHD inattentive type) and they informed me that couldn't happen and I needed a new doctor because mine didn't know anything.

My therapist has 30 years experience with Aspies and Auties, worked in the school system, and has a background in biology. He is an LPC (licensed professional counselor) and can't prescribe meds but he damn sure knows more about the meds than most doctors I've met. The therapist I use is recommended by Autism Speaks. So, who do I take the word of? Some stranger with an opinion they claim is based in fact (In this instance that there is no link in the literature between aspergers and ADHD), or the therapist that has shown me the research to back up his diagnosis?

Screw all you Know it Nothings! Do some damn research, and let me raise my kids how I know they need to be raised, because unlike you I know all the facts!

And for the rest of you, don't let Know It Nothings get you down. Assault them with knowledge (preferably peer reviewed sources folks, referencing online articles, like the Know it Nothings, isn't proof of anything save speculation).

So, Miscarriage and Stillbirth = murder?

This pisses me off. I mean seriously.

Are we going backward or forwards? Women being charged with MURDER after they miscarry their unborn child?

I don't really give a flying frick what your stance on abortion is, personally I'm pro-choice, but I could never have one. By these laws that are being enforced, were I to have a child diagnosed with a possible birth defect that might lead to death, and choose to let the baby go to term, and it dies, I'm a murderer, yet I can have an abortion and no one says a word.

WTF?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the bullshit reasoning behind these laws is to protect babies that are to be killed in utero because of their mother's risky behaviors, they cite meth makers, etc. BUT it doesn't define those behaviors. So by virtue of these laws, more women will choose abortions when they have a chance at having a completely healthy, full term baby. Alcoholics, drug users, athletes, coffee drinkers, hell, any woman that works a job, look out, if you miscarry you are screwed. And what's the same about all those groups I just named? Every one has a chance of having a perfectly healthy baby. Even alcohol and drug users.

How many babies are going to die because women are going to choose abortion out of fear of being put in jail?

My feminist hackles just nearly rose and fell off my damn body. Seriously, women have been working for centuries to reach equality, and now this shit, in the United States (and I've seen stories of UK occurrences as well)?

Women have very little control over most of the causes of spontaneous miscarriages and stillbirths. And many women try repeatedly to have babies only to suffer repeated losses. So now our country wants to punish women for nature's natural course? Miscarriages happen no matter what you do, and I guarantee that if someone was to look at the life of any woman who has suffered the loss of a child, they will be able to find a "reason" enough to point the finger of blame at the mother. She didn't eat right. She didn't stay away from second hand smoke. She stood too much. She exercised too little. She exercised too much. She sat too much. She took tylenol. She took Zofran/Reglan/Prozac/Zoloft while under the care of a doctor.

Pardon the language, but give me a fucking break.

May post more on this later, I just ran across it on Reddit and was stunned into posting tonight.

The "Rain Man" Comparison

So, every single mom with a child who is Autistic gets this.

"Like Rain Man, right? So what's his rain man ability?"

...thanks Hollywood.

Now, seriously, the first thing I want to say is Raymond Babbitt was not just Autistic. "Raymond's early life was tough as he was wrongly diagnosed with autism since the doctor was late for a golf game and hurried the diagnosis" (Source: IMDB). Yes, while IMDB isn't the best source, the statement is accurate. I have to wonder, how many people who make this comparison have even watched Rain Man? I feel the answer would be a dismal few. The character, more importantly, had a condition called Savant Syndrome. Savant Syndrome is not exclusive to individuals with Autism, nor is it present in many with autism. Savant Syndrome can also occur post brain injury or with mental retardation. The portrayle in the movie is that of a person with Savant Syndrome AND Autism. The sad thing is, when people use this comparison, they are talking abut Savant Syndrome, not autism.

Now, this is from the information on the movie. Most sources agree with this, however the truth is that the character that Rain Man is based on didn't suffer from Autism at all, rather probably had something called FG Syndrome. "A 2008 study concluded that Kim Peek, who was the basis for the Dustin Hoffman character in the movie Rain Man, probably had FG syndrome" (Source). Again, yes I'm referencing a Wiki, but if you look at the reference for this below, it is from a peer reviewed source. Kim Peek was indeed a savant, however was born with several brain abnormalities. From what we know, he most likely had "macrocephaly, damage to the cerebellum, and agenesis of the corpus callosum, a condition in which the bundle of nerves that connects the two hemispheres of the brain is missing; in Peek's case, secondary connectors such as the anterior commissure were also missing. There is speculation that his neurons made unusual connections due to the absence of a corpus callosum, which resulted in an increased memory capacity." (Source).

Kim Peek was an inspiration for the story, but Raymond Babbitt was a composite savant with abilities taken from several real life savants. He was then modified to be an Autistic Savant (Source). Now, the fact of the matter is, the incidence of Savant Syndrome very low. About half of people with Savant Syndrome are autistic, the other half have other developmental disabilities or Central Nervous System injuries. And how many Autistic people have Savant Syndrome? About 10%. It occurs in the rest of the learning disabled population at an incidence of 1%, so it seems it is more likely in Autistic individuals, however, the other half of the population in affects is much larger (Source).

So what is my point? Not every Autistic kid is Rain Man, in fact the real Rain Man wasn't even autistic. There are many, many other excellent movies that can teach you a bit about Autism, and this list is perhaps one of the best I have at hand. It includes such movies as Mercury Rising, What's Eating Gilbert Grape?, Adam, and Mozart and the Whale. However, it does not include what is perhaps my favorite, which is Temple Grandin the HBO movie.

What Not to Say to An ASD Child's Mom

Most parents of kids with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) have no problem talking about their child’s disorder. ASDs are Pervasive Developmental Disorders, which when you meet someone who has one or has a family member or friend with one, mostly means high functioning autism, Asperger’s Syndrom, and true or classic autism, but also includes Rett’s, childhood disintegrative disorder, and PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder – not otherwise specified).

Now, unfortunately for those of us with children with an ASD, the general population is woefully under educated about these disorders. And it is okay to ask someone about them. The really unfortunate thing, however isn’t that people don’t know and understand what an ASD means, it is that they THINK they know what it is and try to tell us what it is.

So, as advice to perhaps well-meaning individuals, here is a mom’s list of what you shouldn’t say to the parent of a child with an ASD.

“Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that.”

Their child didn’t just die. And we are not “sorry” because our child was diagnosed with it. For a lot of us, it is a relief to be able to identify what is going on with our children. It is fine to say, “I’m sorry that must be hard!” or “I’m sorry he/she is going through that!” Identifying with the difficulty that the family is going through is okay, it is hard, and can be very difficult. What is not okay is expressing sympathy as if you were talking to someone whose child has passed.

“But he/she doesn’t LOOK autistic.”

Most ASD parents get this one and it dries us all crazy. There is no look to a person with an ASD. The only difference between a person with an ASD and a person without one is that they have a difference in the way their brain works. Most people who make this comment are thinking of something like Down’s Syndrome where there is a physical manifestation of the disorder. They are two separate and completely different things.

“Focus on the positive and stop talking about the negatives! You shouldn’t label your child like that!”

A fellow mom got this one after going to the doctor’s office and explaining to fellow waiting room inhabitants. The label is there for description, and we are very well aware of what “labeling” in the negative sense can do to our kids. We, more than anyone else, know what can happen when people focus only on the label. HOWEVER, when we tell you “My child is Autistic” or “my child has an autism spectrum disorder” we are not apologizing, and we are definitely not “labeling” to excuse. Our children have what can seem to others to be odd behaviors. Sometimes these behaviors can make others uncomfortable, and we tell you so you can realize they aren’t doing it to annoy, it is because it is part of their condition. A lot of ASD kids have OCD symptoms (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). So if you are sitting next to a child that has to get up and sit down repeatedly, it is a manifestation of that. So is the child fixated on your purse’s handle because it looks like a spiral pattern. There are many different manifestations of these OCD symptoms, and we want our children’s experience AND yours to be as comfortable as possible.

“He/she can’t be! He/she can talk!”

This one is just plain ridiculous. Yes, some children with severe autism are unable to speak. That is by no means all of these children. In fact, children with Asperger’s Syndrome are usually very verbal, sometimes too much so, and have a very wide range of language skills. No two ASD children are the same, ever, so you’ll notice that when I’m speaking I use words like “usually” and “mostly” or “most”.

“You know, doctors just make that stuff up to make money.”

Yeah, because we love spending money and time on doctors’ visits, therapy, medications and treatments. Seriously, come on folks. We don’t just agree with the first doctor we come across that mentions it. Getting a diagnosis isn’t walking into an office and walking out with a diagnosis. It takes months sometimes to get an accurate diagnosis. There are tests for the child, questionnaires for parents, teachers and doctors. A diagnosis is a lifelong condition and we and our children are going to live with. Having a condition like this isn’t “fun” and we would never seek something like this without having good reason.

“Oh, so he/she is retarded?”

Yes, mental retardation is possible with kids with ASDs, but again, not every child with an ASD has this problem. And lack of communication abilities does not indicate if a child has mental retardation or not. A child’s mental abilities are not indicated by verbal abilities alone.

And on the opposite….

“Oh, so he/she is a genius?”

Again, yes, it is possible to have an autistic savant, a child who is hyperfocused on one subject area (a common occurrence with many ASD children). However not every child with an ASD has the “rain man” level of ability. To assume as such is kind of annoying to hear all the time.

“He/she just needs to be around other kids, and socialize!”

Socializing does not change the fact that the disorder exists. Children on the spectrum have problems with social skills. And you can’t force a child to have empathy. Children on the spectrum often do not understand social cues like those not on the spectrum. Body language, facial cues, and other subtle indications given in daily interacts are very hard for them to read. Some are insulated in their own private world, and cannot interact normally. Being around other kids is not going to “fix” these kids. Yes, they still need to be around other kids, and being in an environment where they can interact with other children can help, but it has to be done with care as far as the child’s tolerances.

“If you spanked/beat/disciplined him/her more, he/she wouldn’t act like that.”

As an attachment parent as well as a mom of an ASD child, this one gets me. I’m not in favor of spanking at all because it is ineffective from a psychological perspective, and it doesn’t work like parents believe it does. Spanking, in general, offers short term benefits, and no long term benefits. In general, children with ASDs have meltdowns in response to pain or they will be completely insensitive to it. So they will laugh at a swat on the rump or go into a meltdown and scream, flail, or flop for however long they do. And we spend a lot of time teaching them how to interact socially, hitting them undoes all the work we do trying to teach them not to hit others when they are mad. These children are very logical, and what is done to them, they will do to others. The same for things they hear, they will often repeat them again and again.

“Oh, he/she has [ASD]? Vaccines cause that, aren’t you sorry you vaccinated now?”

This was a recent thing, and was debunked. The research involved was flawed and unethical. Those of us with a child on the spectrum are well aware of this research, and while some of us choose to vaccinate, others do not.

“So when do you send him/her away?”

I’m not even really going to talk much about this one because it is so insensitive and ignorant. Thirty – forty years ago, these children were often institutionalized, but today, we work very hard to keep our children with us. Yes, there are very severe cases which may require living in a group home environment with constant medical supervision, but these cases are few and far between.

“You know what you did during pregnancy caused that.”

…seriously? I mean, come on. There is no proof that anything in particular causes ASDs. If there were, you would think every doctor’s office would have a big sign that says, “Don’t [insert activity here] during pregnancy!” just like we have the signs to not drink or smoke during pregnancy. There is no known cause. There are speculations, but no proof. So telling a mom that using artificial sweeteners/drugs/nitrates/fish/mercury/wheat during pregnancy gave their child Autism is not going to help.

“So what did you do to your kid to mess him up so bad?”

The idea that bad parenting leads to the behaviors exhibited by these children is prevalent in our society. These kids are not spoiled. They don’t have parents that let them do anything they way, in fact, most parents of children with ASDs do more with their children every day than any parent with a normal child.

“Oh, you just want the SSI benefits.”

And we have the inevitable argument that people seek a diagnosis just to get money from the government. While yes, there are people out there that abuse the system, those of us that seek SSI for our kids generally have need of it. From transportation to and from therapies, special diet foods, to supplies for our child which can range from occupational therapy equipment, pull ups for those who aren’t toilet trained, sensory stimulation and control equipment, there is a lot involved in taking care of a child with ASDs. The money that someone gets in SSI isn’t just spent on fun and games. Much of it is used to help their child and make their life better. And yes, sometimes it is used to take them places for fun. They are children, after all, we are not going to keep them away from having regular childhood experiences.

AND my favorite (and perhaps the one that most people don’t even realize is insulting…)

“Well, I hope there is a cure some day.”

So, we’re going to learn how to change the way neurons in the brain fire? Last time I checked, there isn’t a way to alter neurons and add axioms and dendrites to existing neurons. I know, I know, I hear it already. They’re just being sympathetic/nice, etc. Well, let’s take a minute. These children have a difference in their brain that makes them the way they are. Saying we need to “fix” or “cure” them is like saying we need to “fix” all the people with red hair or dark skin, or even being a certain gender. The difference in physical. And no, by giving our children medication and therapy we are not trying to “fix” or change them at all. We are trying to help them cope with a world that doesn’t accept them as different. We are trying to help them develop as individuals and utilize their amazing talents the best that we can. We are trying to help them reach their potential with all the resources we have at our disposal. The medications help them focus, help them stop getting fixated on objects or thoughts, and help them think clearly, the therapies help them interact with others in a way that will make their interactions with others the most pleasant as we can.

In no way, form, or fashion, are most of us trying to “cure” our children. Yea, there are some out there that hope and pray for a cure to be found, but honestly, why cure something that is just a way they are? Do you see people trying to cure mental retardation? No, because it is just a difference in the way that child is mentally. We can try to prevent it in future generations, but we have to advocate and educate people about our kids more than anything.

So what can you do if you meet me on the street and you see my child, with his medic alert bracelet and I say he has an autism spectrum disorder.

Ask me about it. I’m more than happy to talk to you about, as are most parents of children with ASDs. If you don’t know, ask. If you’ve heard a misconception like those above, ask about it. It is fine to say, hey I heard this about autism, is that true? And I’m more than happy to explain that it is or it isn’t and why that is so.

But please, please, please, don’t think you know more about our children than we do. That is perhaps the most insulting thing any parent, not just those of us with special needs kids, can hear from anyone, friend or family. If you don’t live with a child 24/7, don’t assume you are right. You are free to give advice but when a parent says, that doesn’t work for us, accept it. Don’t argue with them about why it should be done this way or that, when they’ve already said we don’t do things that way.

So in the end, what can you do? Be a little more sensitive and tolerant. We, and our children, go through and put up with a lot on a daily basis. No one is doing this for attention, and we are all doing the best we can. So, keep your opinions to yourself, and give us a hand instead of glaring at us when our child is having an inevitable meltdown. They aren't bad kids, they have problems with a lot of different things, and you can't assume you know what those things are.

All ASD children are different. More than anything, never expect two to be the same. Be kind, and treat them like human beings. They are amazing, awesome, and unique people, and if you give them a little time to get to know them, you will be amazed at what you find.